When something goes wrong = I am wrong
This post will explore why the feeling of shame has a sneaky way of sneaking into our thought patterns when something goes wrong.
“Shame’s breeding ground is isolation.”
Something goes wrong = I am wrong
This was the thought pattern that I had subscribed to, believed, and practiced for over 2 decades of my life.
It happened for that length of time, because I felt such a deep level of shame that I protected myself from it & hid.
And shame does, exactly what I stated above, it takes something gone wrong and then changes that to “I am wrong.”
***ehhhh, thought error rooted in shame
I felt like if I did more (outwork it) and perfected my life, then I could make it go away.
Or, if I punished that part of myself that would make it disappear.
But anytime I tried something new, and it didn’t pan out the way I had hoped, it simply added another layer of shame to my already abundant supply.
Things would get worse.
I would spiral.
I would isolate myself.
And, ironically, shame’s breeding ground is isolation.
I would start again, with a new idea to take on, hope THIS would save me, BUT, hadn’t addressed the prior level of shame that I just encountered, and instead would bury it.
Not realizing that you can run from shame, but you can’t hide, forever.
Layers upon layers of undigested shame began to show up more in the form of shutting down whenever I would try anything new.
My old shame management systems weren’t working anymore.
Things that used to be easy, seemed traumatic.
It was confusing, until I learned the answer isn’t running but addressing the shame.
Shame doesn’t speak degrading & punishing lingo…this makes matters worse.
Shame is best addressed by actually acknowledging it with gentleness & compassion.
And, ironically now, as a coach, my expertise is sensing shame (like a 6th sense) and creating a safe & nourishing space to explore it together, without adding judgment to the mix.
The more shame that’s addressed and released,
The more peace, freedom, and presence awaits.
This is the work that we’ll do together, that will unleash a level of peace you didn’t think was possible for a person ‘like you.’ (→ just another shame story) Let’s connect.
Healing self sabotaging behaviors
ABOUT THE AUTHOR I’m Meg Smithson and I remember vividly the heartache, distress, and agony that self sabotaging behaviors caused me. Between eating disorders, anxiety, major self doubt, and constant imbalance, I couldn’t seem to live the fulfilling life I imagined.
If you are currently dealing with this, I get it & know exactly how you feel.
I spent a decade of heartache striving to fit the elusive mold of what mainstream considered “perfect” all while trying to figure out why I was put on this earth.
I learned to listen to what I needed…
…not what others expected of me. Gradually, I felt freedom like I had never imagined I could.
What does a relationship coach do?
Now, I teach women to find that freedom, too, by helping them create the relationship that they really want, faster by first healing their attachment to shame, people pleasing, & perfectionism.
Click to schedule a free consult!
Meg Smithson, Life Coach
Meg coaches women by identifying areas of self sabotage, helping them break up with the shame that usually accompanies that, and then shows them how to set boundaries around the emerging 2.0 version they want to become, and live that life, unapologetically.
Click to schedule a life coaching consultation with Meg.
