How to set boundaries and why they lead to freedom
This post will teach you how to increase boundaries to increase happiness in your relationships.
Setting boundaries in relationships
Lack of boundaries is one of the BIGGEST underlying struggles I see women deal with that affects their relationships the most.
As strange as this sounds, if your relationship is struggling, I can almost guarantee you that 99.9% of your struggle is in relation to lack of boundaries.
The result of no boundaries
No setting boundaries tends to lead to…
Burnout
Resentment
Rage
Bitterness
Exhaustion
Questioning sanity
Back burner life
Anxiety
Depression
But, boundaries get a bad rap. They’re seen as mean, unkind, or even having a lack of heart.
But do you see what’s really happening here? By the lack of boundaries, all the unwanted thoughts & feelings come out (due to REACTING vs RESPONDING) resulting in operating from ANYTHING but a loving place.
How to set boundaries
Boundaries start with saying “no” to things, activities, or negativity & drama, and saying yes to honoring YOU & your decision.
Saying yes, when you want to say no, is an act of manipulation (believe this or not) by attempting to control whether or not you’ll be accepted or rejected.
It’s a disease to please. Or, really the people pleasing plague.
This all sounds simple, but is harder to do if you’ve never had them before. But why do we keep people pleasing? To be loved for someone that we aren’t???
This is an area I can help you with. All of it stems from a non-serving thought & belief pattern that in order to be loved, seen, or accepted is to DISOWN yourself in order to please others.
What does boundary setting look like?
These truly can start with the smallest acts:
not responding to emails before or after a certain time
not answering texts before or after a certain time
not responding to people or work related things on Sundays
not responding to negative, toxic, drama filled people ever
“Shame is the fear of disconnection.”
~Brené Brown
We are built to connect with others, so the mere thought of rejection happening as a byproduct of showing up fully, can become so overwhelming that we just hold the shame, silently inside of us.
We ‘think’ it’s too risky to actually be ourselves & ask for what we want.
By keeping the shame buried, we ’think’ it’s protecting us & keeping us safe from harm’s way.
Errrrr wrong.
The result of setting boundaries
As a result this is what happens:
we say yes to things we want to say a heck NO to
we hide what we really want & instead show up the way we ‘think’ others want us to
we shove our feelings under the rug to not disrupt our spouse
we attempt to keep the peace with everyone (but ourselves)
As an attempt to be the A+ performing people pleaser, everything is crumbling inside.
Your anxiety is increased, your mind is a chaotic mess, your resentment increases, your ability to RESPOND Vs REACT is lessened, your outlook on life is down, and true deep down connection with your relationships is suffering as a result from keeping all of that shame a secret.
→ What good does keeping the peace when internally there is a war going on?
→ When you hate your life?
→ When your marriage is crumbling?
→ When you feel beyond stuck & don’t truly know what else to do.
Keeping the shame buried is avoiding the possible rejection from others, but is causing you to disconnect from self, & reject YOU ahead of time.
We fear abandonment from others but the biggest fear should be keeping the peace at the expense of abandoning ourselves.
I help driven women create the relationship that they really want.
We BATTLE.
We BREAK-up with the inner BULLY.
We BECOME.
That BECOMING version of you needs a backbone.
She needs boundaries.
She needs to have her own back.
She needs to learn how to become her own BFF.
And she needs to BELIEVE that it’s possible.
Are you ready? THIS is how I help you take the reins of your life back & learn how to have the most epic relationship with YOURSELF (which is the root foundation to all other relationships). Let’s chat! Click to book a consult call now.
Meg Smithson, Life Coach
Meg coaches women by identifying areas of self sabotage, helping them break up with the shame that usually accompanies that, and then shows them how to set boundaries around the emerging 2.0 version they want to become, and live that life, unapologetically.
Click to schedule a life coaching consultation with Meg.
